I really lost my cool on my toddler yesterday! A simple task like strapping him into his carseat spiraled into what felt like an MMA fight. His desire to escape led him to bite me, hit me, and grab my eyeglasses in order to accomplish it. My desire to get him home led me to man-handle him into compliance. I drove home enraged at the tantrum earlier in the store and the wrestling match that followed in the parking lot. As sanity returned and I began to breath, the all too familiar feeling of shame came flooding in and with it the accusations… “You are a terrible mother, how could you lose control like that, he’s just a baby, why can’t you do better?”.
Nothing has made me more aware of my need for Jesus than entering motherhood. Moments like this have the propensity to send me spiraling into self-loathing and regret. I relive my lowest moments in motherhood on-repeat and convince myself that I’m unfit for the task. But God.
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come?My help comes from the Lord,Who made heaven and earth.He will not allow your foot to slip;He who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121:1
Looking Up is an Act of Faith
Looking up takes my eyes off my circumstances and turns them to the One who promises peace, turns my shame into joy, and has grace for whatever I’m facing.
When my toddler has a melt down as I drink my morning coffee tempting me to dread the day ahead, I will look up.
When financial burdens crowd my thoughts, I will look up.
When shame fills me as I remember how I lost my temper with my child, I will look up.
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As a stay at home mom, there are a million things that pull on me throughout the day. Little humans making messes and countless tasks that demand my attention, energy and emotions. If I’m not vigilant, I will soon find myself overwhelmed at the enormity of what is before me in motherhood. Looking upward breaks my fixation on the problem and takes me to Jesus, the one who has everything I need.
I’ve found these three areas to be the main ways I take my eyes off Jesus:
Regret Condemns Me
You don’t have time for regret. Period. Regret is a waste of time that leads to shame. Shame says: “I am flawed and unworthy of love”. Sound familiar? That one lie, that I’m unworthy of love is at the root of many of the struggles I have faced in motherhood.
The truth is, I am going to blow it with my kids, a lot! When it happens, will I let it propel me into the arms of Jesus? Shame wants to remind me of my failures like a broken record and use them to push me away from Jesus- into hiding. But Jesus died for me that I would no longer hide, but instead come out into light— confident in love.
When anger overcomes you and floods you with regret, look up.
Repent to the Lord and ask Him to show you your heart. What was it that triggered you? What can you do different next time? Even if it’s something small that set you off, it matters to God, the details of our day are important to Him. He has full provision for you and has a way of escape, no matter how small.
Next, apologize to your kids. Your kids don’t need perfect parents, they need parents who show them how to be real and admit when they’ve made mistakes. Lastly, Move on. Let it go, and start over. (This does not mean you mull it over for the next five hours…Let. It. Go.)
Uncertainty Makes Me Afraid
There is nothing that makes me afraid like the unknown. The current climate of 2020, a global pandemic, and schools opening or closing, all contribute to a feeling of uncertainty about the future. In moments like this, I often began trying to control and calculate everything around me as I brace for the worst. This is the fruit of fear, the fruit of someone who doesn’t believe that they have a Father who is caring for them in every area of their life, especially motherhood. This is the fruit of a person just waiting for the ball to drop and things get worse as they preemptively prepare to fend for themselves.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love”. I John 4:18
When you find yourself gripped by fear, look up.
Take a moment to connect with God and His eternal love for you. Love and fear cannot coexist. Let go of fear, receive His love.
Urgency Demands My Attention
The worthy work of motherhood from managing a home, a career, or the hearts of kids, will always be with you; unrelenting as it urgently demands your attention and energy.
Too often, I end my day realizing I’ve barely taken a breath as I’ve bounced from one meeting, to a phone call, to crisis management with my kid, to meal time and on an on… The important tasks of your day needs your attention, and rightly so. But there can be connection to the Lord in the midst of tasks that fill your day.
When you find yourself bogged down in the urgency of needs around you, look up.
Proactively commit to time in prayer and meditation on the Word BEFORE the busyness begins. Wake up earlier, use nap time differently, find a time that works for you and get there as if your life depends on it. It does!
One of my favorite things to do, is to keep my Bible open on the counter. I may only get a few minutes here and there, but it keeps the Word before me throughout my day. This simple action draws me back to the Lord and to the truth of the Word again and again.
Why Do I Need To Look Up?
Looking up is important because it reminds us to trust in something outside of ourselves. Our culture today is full of self-help remedies that tell you to look inside yourself for strength. This humanistic message is shallow and unable to actually help you overcome the mental battles that keep you in cycles of shame, fear, and busyness. You need more than fleeting human strength that is here for a moment and then gone the next.
How do You Look Up?
1. Hide the Word in your heart.
In Psalm 119:37, David says “Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your Word.”
Shame, fear, and busyness keep your eyes focused on worthless things. Hiding God’s Word in your heart and looking up to the actual source of strength, Jesus, preserves your life.
2. Prayer
My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up. Psalm 5:3
Opening your mouth in prayer directs your heart upward to One who hears, responds, and promises You are never alone.
Change Your Perspective
No matter what you are facing, whether big or small, change your perspective. Shift from looking downward at the enormity of what is before you and look up. That simple action, done in faith and trust draws the attention of Heaven and allows you to see your situation the way God does. The answer might not be immediate, the circumstances might not change quickly but You are inviting God into the minutes of your day and He is able to do more than you can think or imagine.
Additional Resources: Reflections From My First Year of Motherhood
I cannot say enough about Adore by Sara Hagerty! This book has been an incredible devotional resource to help me connect with God throughout my day.
