This week I will celebrate my child’s first birthday and my first year of motherhood. I look back and see the incredible growth he’s made from a helpless babe to a walking little boy, discovering his independence and exploring the world around him. His transformation is incredible! I’m already counting down, realizing I only have seventeen or eighteen more of these fleeting moments called “years” left with him in our home.
Motherhood’s Transformative Work
Although more subtle, I’m reflecting on my own growth and transformation into this new but forever role of a “mother”. Today I understand I’m only at the beginning of the greatest job I’ll ever have. I’m aware that there is a mix of emotions both good and bad, for many of us, that come with this responsibility. Becoming a mom changes everything. Not that we were neccesarily selfish before, but quickly “self” comes second to our children and their needs. Even more strange, you suddenly know the deep satisfaction of a child’s dependence on you and then in the next breath can feel the exhaustion and exasperation that a child is dependent on you!
Simple tasks become a lot more difficult and we can find ourselves living for nap-time like it’s a trip to an all-inclusive resort. Then in the next moment, the most mundane task becomes full of joy as you experience it through the eyes of your child. The extremes of motherhood were like riding a mechanical bull those first few months. Just when I thought I had the rhythm figured out I’d find myself awkwardly tossed by an unexpected jerk.
A Journey To Surrender
Most valuable of all, motherhood has taught me a greater dependence upon Christ than I ever knew before. I’ve realized I can muscle-through and grit my teeth and be a decent mom. But being a great mom– that will cost something much more then the sacrifice of back-breaking hard work, it will cost my surrender. Each day, moment by moment I will face a choice to roll up my sleeves and get through it or exhale and let the awareness of my need for Jesus propel me into that conversation He has always wanted with me.
In Matthew 22:37 Jesus commands us to love him with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength- literally with our everything. This can easily feel like a tall-order or another religious task to weigh us down, but it isn’t. When we see a command from Jesus in the scriptures, we can always rest that there is a promise to enable us to accomplish it; not in our strength but by His spirit.
Unseen by Sara Hagerty has been an incredible tool to help me understand the purposes God has for us in life’s hidden seasons. If you are feeling forgotten or passed-by in your new role as a mother, please read her words and the invitation within them to meet Jesus right where you are.
Defining Success in Motherhood
We were made for love, we were fashioned and formed and brought into existence because of love. We come alive in love. Orienting our lives to love Jesus first, BEFORE the tasks and demands of motherhood, causes us to surrender. It reminds us what really matters. When we prioritize Him first it connects us again to what we are ultimately created for- to love Him and be loved by Him. Our success as mothers will not be how well our children behave or how high their grades are but by our ability to live and breath in the reality of our relationship with Jesus.
Being thrust into the role of “mother” can be consuming, requiring all of us, and rightly so. In a moment a whole new facet of our identity emerges as we throw ourselves into the care of these little lives we are called to steward. And yet like any other area of our identity, from wife to missionary (in my case), or doctor to stay-at-home- mom there are two diverging paths before us. Will we give-in to the temptation to strive in our own strength to produce a desired result or will we receive the invitation to rest in our identity in Christ first, letting everything else flow from that (Matt 6:33)?
A Daughter Before A Mother
Remember mama’s, we were daughters first, and daughters we remain. His daughter. Daily there is the invitation to come and abide in the vine (John 15), tapping into the source of life. He never runs dry and He has everything I need to pour myself out for my kiddos, in my marriage, and in my career. We can’t pour out from a cup that is empty.
Today is a new day, what will we choose? As I set-out into year two of motherhood I’m choosing dependence. I will surrender to the process, let go of the results I so desperately want to produce and enjoy the conversation of love along the way.
Originally published on MommaLove.org
Additional Resources: Bye-Bye, Baby Boy: How a First-time Mom Grew to Love Breastfeeding
